My Illness

In the autumn of 2019 I was giving an essence course each week, and found myself slowing down badly. I couldn't walk as far or as fast and noticed arthritis for the first time. However, I was unable to pin down where the root of the trouble was. My doctor was sympathetic. In the week before Christmas I was diagnosed by University College hospital as having a 3cm tumour on my bladder. It was 80% likely to become malignant, they said, and offered me a procedure which would excise the tumour. My prostate wasn't looking good either. The scan had given me some clear information, and while I declined the offer of surgery, I did start to think deeply about the diagnosis.

Bladder difficulties suggested anxiety as the underlying emotional state, and indeed I felt no stranger to anxiety. But in this case it seemed not to be my anxiety I was experiencing but someone else's. My mother came to mind. She had been very anxious at the time of my birth. However dowsing said that wasn't the answer. The problem seemed to emanate from my grandmother, who had given birth to my mother in the harshest of conditions in a Canadian winter - and died 2 weeks later. According to my pendulum it seemed to be her anxiety that I was picking up on.

Perhaps there weren't specific essences for a bladder tumour, but the essences knew about anxiety, fear and grief - even in another generation - and I began to dose myself accordingly. The pattern I established at the outset of my (self) treatment was to create a series of remedies that I could take 5 drops of morning and night, for 2 or 3 weeks on each occasion: this translated into a series of 15 ml bottles. In addition I would take advantage of the osteopathic practice I lived above and support my remedies with regular weekly cranial osteopathy.

My first remedy focused on the emotions of anxiety and fear, on grief, and on shock. On the physical side I needed to concentrate first and foremost on the bladder tumour. My key essence was Grieving Heart, a combination from Wild Earth Animal Essences, and a number of 'manning up' essences, such as Wildflower's Brave Heart and Manifesting the Inner King from Desert Alchemy. Ian White's Boab got into the picture as well - evidence (from my dowsing) that I was indeed dealing with something that happened in my family before my time.

This remedy served me well. I felt a bit more energy. The fear and grief and shock in my system reduced measurably (measured by dowsing again), and the bladder tumour, which measured 3 cm, after 2 weeks had shrunk substantially at the level of the subtle body. For my second remedy I continued to focus on grief and fear and shock, and Fox Mountain's Grieving combination supported by Self-Heal from the Flower Essence Society became my main essences for the next 2 weeks.

At the end of that fortnight and by now in the middle of January, fear and grief had shrunk substantially but anger and the need to control had become more urgent, and my lack of self love manifested. This was the time when I had to confirm the decision not to go ahead with the hospital's bladder tumour procedure. I built a remedy around the Divine Child essence from Star of California.

Now my wife and I had a holiday in the snow of Northern Italy with a sister and brother in law. The anger and need to control were being managed, but a lack of energy and a sense of unworthiness manifested. The tumour was no longer an issue, my dowsing told me, but bone spurs in my spine were uncomfortable, and my circulation was bad. Divine Child featured again, supported by Dr Bach's Larch and Oak, and the Bush Dynamis combi and several other essences. The osteopathy helped with the bone spurs and, gradually, my posture improved. Two weeks later my next remedy again featured Larch and Oak, plus Bailey's Energy Liberator.

Gradually the sting went out of the tumour. A scan in July showed that physically it remained with only a slight reduction, but the energy had gone out of it. The hospital signed me off.